The situation that came to mind is not a specific one-time incident, but one that has played out through several conversations and over a period of time. My husband's parents divorced around two years ago and within a few months, they were both dating other people seriously. Both people are actually the same age and are only two years older than my husband. Family members have had very interesting opinions on the fact that both my mother-in-law and father-in-law are dating people 12-14 years younger than them and the opinions have been very sexist and definitely not equal. They call my father-in-law's girlfriend a golddigger, even though she does have her own job, but they congratulate him for getting a younger woman. They call my mother-in-law a cougar and make fun of the fact that her boyfriend is so much younger. Even though her boyfriend does not have a job and is completely supported by my mother-in-law, they do not call him a golddigger.
My and I both feel uncomfortable around both of them mainly because they are so close in age to us. It just seems weird to date someone with such a huge age gap. However, we are both of the opinion that it is not our life so not our choice. Saying this and actually feeling it are two different things, but I am a little more understanding after this class. I think my feelings are based more on my personal opinion of what is an appropriate age gap especially for those who are older.
I see now how my opinions and family members' reactions are related to sexism and even ageism. It seems it is ok for an older man to date a much younger women, but the woman is probably in it for financial reasons and it is not ok for a woman to date a much younger man. These opinions do have an impact on family members' interactions with each of their significant. It does make me wonder why we have these differences in wording for men and women who date someone much younger. I think in this situation for there to be greater equity, society would have to change the negative views on women dating much older men and women dating much younger men. Everyone needs to be more accepting and less apt to jump to assumptions about why two people are together.
My and I both feel uncomfortable around both of them mainly because they are so close in age to us. It just seems weird to date someone with such a huge age gap. However, we are both of the opinion that it is not our life so not our choice. Saying this and actually feeling it are two different things, but I am a little more understanding after this class. I think my feelings are based more on my personal opinion of what is an appropriate age gap especially for those who are older.
I see now how my opinions and family members' reactions are related to sexism and even ageism. It seems it is ok for an older man to date a much younger women, but the woman is probably in it for financial reasons and it is not ok for a woman to date a much younger man. These opinions do have an impact on family members' interactions with each of their significant. It does make me wonder why we have these differences in wording for men and women who date someone much younger. I think in this situation for there to be greater equity, society would have to change the negative views on women dating much older men and women dating much younger men. Everyone needs to be more accepting and less apt to jump to assumptions about why two people are together.
It is a very interesting "story" but i think it happens quite frequently in the real world. I do believe the family members see and comment the situation are all base on good intention. They are afraid of the family members were cheated and hurt at the end. It is all with good intention and care though the way they delivered their concerns and care are very meant. Also they don't have the rights to what the parents or parents in law want to do. The comments are very judging based on their personal experiences and appearance and age of that partners. That was not very fair. Even though their partners are really good diggers, there is no problem as long as their parents or parents in law are happy. Life is short. We have to treasure every moment we have and try to make ourselves happy, particularly if you are getting old. If money can buy happiness, why not. There are things money can't buy and can't give you the happiness you want. If they want to give comments, try to give it constructively and amiably. Or just support them!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennie! Thanks for sharing your story. I definitely feel ageism the situations are related to ageism also because if the woman dating your father-in-law was not so young they would not be making comments like that. I also think it's unfair the way women are talked about it certain situations verse men. Such as if a man sleeps with 20 different females other men would congratulate him where if a woman did that she would be called several different inappropriate names! I don't know if women well ever be looked at as equals to men.
ReplyDeleteJennie,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting example of sexism, and maybe ageism. I wonder if they were both dating people their own age, would the same concerns come up? or would there be other concerns?
In your current situation, how are the new relationships explained to any children? and what are children's views?
Zeina
Hi Jennie- I find your story interesting. I like that you have the attitude that it is not your life and we cannot tell people how to live their lives. It is very unfair how people treat your mother in law. They are both doing similar things. I have always heard younger women that date older men as being considered gold diggers. Does it really affect anyone what age the person is that someone else is dating? Typically, No it does not. I feel it's one of those situations where others need to mind their own business. We should never judge someone on their choices because we do not know about their personal lives and it is not fair to make assumptions.
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